Title: Tamago wa Dame!
Author: bnomiko
Rating: NC-17
Pairing(s): Seto x Yami
Spoilers: none
Warnings: swearing
Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh! is the creation of Kazuki Takahashi. This is a not-for-profit fanwork and I do not own any of these characters.
Summary: There are some things that little brothers don't want to know about their big brother. Complete and utter PWP.
Status: 1 / 1
Archived at: http://www.phenixsol.com/Miko/FF/

This is a YAOI fic (male x male sexual situations) and is not appropriate for minors. If you are underage or offended by homosexual relationships, please do not read this. Flames will be disregarded.

• Part of the Kai-baby / Yami-kins AU.
• Chronologically set between Mint Car and Sunday Morning, so Yami and Seto have been together approx. 3 months at this point. What's with me and all the PWPs early on in the relationship? Didn't they do anything other than have sex?

* * *

Tamago wa Dame!

* * *

"Yami."

The crimson-eyed teen looked up at his lover's sudden entrance. "Um, just a sec…" Unable to find a handy trivet on the kitchen counter, Yami ended up just putting the pot of hard-boiled eggs back on the front burner. "What is it, Se…" Before Yami even had a chance to finish his sentence, he was swept up into a hard, prolonged kiss. Seto's lips engulfed his, his tongue probing and begging for entrance, which Yami quickly granted. With a soft moan, the shorter duelist began sucking lightly on his lover's tongue until he couldn't remember to how to breathe anymore.

"Mm…" Seto finally released Yami after nearly a minute, licking his lips off slowly. "So, what are you up to?"

Flustered, Yami took a moment to gather his thoughts, then quirked a fine eyebrow. "Let's see, uh, I'm in the kitchen, there's a mixing bowl and food everywhere…"

"I KNOW you're cooking," Seto said in exasperation, rolling his eyes. "I mean, what are you making?"

"Chicken egg salad salad."

"Hn. That sounds retarded." The brunette leaned against the counter, surveying the different ingredients lying around in various stages of preparation. He could smell bacon sizzling in a covered pan, and there was an assortment of fruit and vegetables in the center sink basin. "New recipe?"

Yami just laughed and nudged him aside so that he could begin washing off the carrots. "Yes…" Looking around for the peeler, the former Pharaoh realized it was still in the drawer. "Excuse me," he said, tapping Seto on the hip.

"Hmm?"

"I need to get to the drawer you're leaning against."

"Ah." Seto walked around to the other side of the sink, giving Yami access to the drawer in question. "So this is lunch?"

"No, dinner. I'm just prepping it early. Let's see… oh, I forgot about the chicken." He put down the peeler and turned to find Seto standing right in front of the range. With a chuckle, he said, "I need to get to the oven now."

Seto sighed and returned to his previous position while Yami grabbed some potholders and a trivet and pulled out a pan of baked chicken breasts from the oven, setting it down on the island countertop before returning to the sink. "So what's for lunch then?"

"Not sure yet. Are you hungry?" Yami began peeling carrots rapidly.

"No."

Then why are you in the kitchen? "Hmm. Where's the grater?" Crimson eyes swept over the counter as the carrots were peeled and set down.

"How should I know?"

Yami looked over at the taller teen and smirked. "Baby, you're in front of the drawer again. Go stand somewhere else."

This is getting old real quick. Seto wandered over to the range again while Yami fished out the item he was looking for, placed it on the counter, then distractedly turned to the stove.

"Gah!" Yami yelped as he nearly walked into his boyfriend.

"What?"

Yami pointed at a covered frying pan. "I need to get to the bacon."

"Okay." Seto took several steps to the side.

Yami turned the heat off on the back burner, then lifted the lid to check on the doneness of the bacon. "Ow," he complained as a bit of hot oil splattered onto his hands and fingers. "Well, bacon's done."

Seto frowned. "Whatever. You okay?"

"Okay, need paper towels…" Yami mumbled as he began absentmindedly sucking on an oil-scalded finger. He spun around to get to the paper towels and once again came face to face with Seto. "Can you just… get out of my way?" he asked tightly, stepping to the right to get around the tall brunette roadblock.

Seto sidestepped to the left and directly into Yami's diverted path.

"That's it! Get out of my kitchen!" the former Pharaoh demanded.

One of Seto's eyebrows rose. Someone's bitchy today. "I hate to be the one to break this to you, but this is technically my kitchen." The look that Yami gave Seto told the young CEO that he didn't give a rat's ass, and that Seto had about two seconds to clear out of the way. So Seto wisely took those two seconds to grab some paper towels, offering to Yami, who accepted them wordlessly. After the younger teen transferred the bacon onto a plate to drain, Seto took Yami's hand and examined the slender fingers for any redness. "Where did you burn yourself?"

"Oh, it's not a big deal; I should've let it cool down a bit first, I… guess…" Yami trailed off as Seto began kissing his fingers, eventually sucking one into his mouth and massaging it with his tongue. "Uhhh…"

"Mmm?" Seto made a wet, slurping sound as he popped the finger out of his mouth. "Wanna fuck?" Say yes.

Gee, how subtle! Mentally, Yami was falling over and rolling on the ground in laughter, but he managed to contain his mirth, letting only a twitchy smirk slip through. "You, I… I'm cooking," he responded lamely even as he began untying his apron. Heck, why not? The chicken and bacon and eggs are already done.

"We can do some cooking." Seto pulled his ribbed T-shirt off, tossing it casually onto one of the barstools at the island. He made sure to tense up his muscles a bit while he was at it and was rewarded by the sight of Yami's eyes sweeping over his chest and abdomen.

"I meant cooking food. As in dinner." Yami's smirk grew as his shirt joined Seto's.

At least he's rising to the challenge. He didn't really think I came in here to talk about food, did he? Seto began undoing his belt. "Yami, it's not even noon yet. Who thinks about dinner at noon?"

I can strip faster than that. Yami unzipped his jeans and yanked them off as quickly as possible, throwing them on top of his shirt while Seto struggled to get out of his pants. "Kai-baby, I usually think about dinner at least a day in advance."

Rats, he wasn't wearing any belts. No wonder he was able to get his jeans off so fast. The brunette plopped his jeans on top of Yami's, then quickly stepped forward to pin the ex-spirit to the cabinets on the far side of the refrigerator. Yami mock glared at his boyfriend as Seto began placing small kisses on his forehead, then brushed back blonde bangs to taste the outer edge of an ear. "Take off your boxers," he whispered into the ear he was licking.

I can do better than that. Yami used one hand to tug off his own underwear while working Seto's boxers down past slender hips. Both pairs of boxers hit the ground at the same time, and the two teens took a step to the side to get out of them completely. "Socks?" Yami wiggled his toes against the granite flooring.

Seto shifted his attention to the side of Yami's neck. "Nah, we're not trying to get naked here."

Yami laughed and wrapped his arms around Seto's neck while the taller duelist let his hands drift down Yami's back until he was cupping both buttcheeks. After a few gentle squeezes, Seto walked Yami back until there was enough room to lower them both onto the hard floor. Yami gasped at the coldness of the stone against his back as it contrasted sharply with the warm weight of Seto's body half settling on top of his. "Ah, Seto…" he groaned as their erections brushed against one another, but the young billionaire suddenly began to pull away.

"Damn it. I forgot… the lube's in my jeans."

Yami snickered. "There's lube in the bottom drawer on the right of the stove, under the aprons."

Seto crawled back a few feet and peered inside the drawer and sure enough, there was a single-use packet of lube sitting right under a rolled up apron. "You're fucking kidding me… why is there lube in the kitchen?"

"Why not?"

The brunette smirked. "So I guess I don't have to keep carrying some around in my pockets then?"

"Where do you think I keep finding packets of lube?" Seto frowned. "That's right, Kai-baby, you never take them out of your pockets, and I end up with a bunch of them every time I do the laundry."

"Uh… why are you doing my laundry?"

"Because your clothes don't wash themselves, and why should I have the housekeeper do it when I'm fully capable of running a load of laundry?"

"Because…" Wait, am I crazy? Why are we arguing over laundry? Why aren't I screwing Yami into the floor? Yami just smiled in amusement as Seto suddenly snarled and tore into the packet with his teeth. Stupid smug bastard… he thinks this is funny!

While Seto hurriedly slicked up his fingers and cock, Yami sat up slightly and attached his lips to Seto's, moaning into Seto's mouth as a cold, moist digit wormed its way up his rear passage. The young CEO pushed his tongue into his boyfriend's mouth as his lone finger wriggled and curled, adding a second to keep it company after a good minute of stretching. A third joined the first two after another minute, kneading against hot velvet walls, sending jolts of pleasure shooting up Yami's spine.

"How does it feel?" Seto whispered a bit smugly, his lips now nibbling at a small, hard nub. "Ready?" You better be ready.

"Haah… yeah." Yami wrapped his legs loosely around his lover's waist in anticipation as Seto withdrew his fingers and got himself in position. "A… ahh…" Yami exhaled slowly as the head of Seto's cock butted up against his hole, stretching it, sliding in past relaxed rings of muscle. One of Yami's feet kicked up in the air as Seto pressed and rubbed against his prostate, and the other one joined the first as the the older teen pulled back and pressed forward again. "Nngh... ahhhHHH!!"

"Shh. You're so loud," Seto complained, though his body responded to Yami's cries by picking up the pace of his thrusts.

Yami choked back another scream, then curled his upper body up until he was able to bite down on the muscles between Seto's neck and shoulder, effectively muffling himself. Seto grunted in mild protest, but continued screwing Yami into the floor regardless. His dick didn't give a damn about anything other than getting what it wanted.

* * *

Up in the bedroom that the younger Kaiba brothers shared, Mokuba paused the game he was playing and wrinkled his nose. "Okay, I definitely smell something burning. You can't say you don't smell that. God, that's nasty."

Noa inhaled deeply, then coughed. "I guess you're right. I thought maybe Yami was just experimenting with something for lunch. Wait, what was that?"

"What was what?"

"Shh, listen." The teens shut up and a few moments later, they both heard a faint popping sound. "Should we take a look?"

Mokuba was already getting to his feet. "Yeah, let's go see what's up."

* * *

Yami panted against Seto's shoulder as the taller duelist continued driving him into the kitchen floor. At least somewhere during all their lovemaking Seto had taken pity on him, leaning down and wrapping an arm around the younger teen's shoulders to keep his head up and off the ground. So Yami had relented a little with the teeth and was now content with just clawing the hell out of Seto's back instead.

By Nut's night sky… this feels… so good. Yami flexed his feet and clenched down around Seto's shaft, earning him a delicious moan accompanied by a crackling sound. Wow, are those… fireworks? That's hot.

* * *

Meanwhile, the two younger brothers crept downstairs and headed towards the kitchen, where the popping sounds seemed to be emanating from. But as they approached they could hear a plethora of other random sounds, including light slapping and panting noises. Noa wrinkled his brow in confusion and stepped in front of Mokuba in case something was amiss. The green-haired teen made it as far as the entryway before he suddenly came to a stop in surprise, then backed up a step, right into Mokuba.

The younger teen gasped. "Onii-chan, what's…?"

Noa made a garbled sound and lifted a shaky hand, pointing into the kitchen.

Mokuba peered over his brother's shoulder and nearly began hyperventilating. Seto's naked butt was bumping and grinding between a pair of equally naked legs which were sticking up in the air in a V. And Yami's fingers were digging into Seto's back like a cat on a scratching post. Oh my frickin' God… It was just like watching a car accident. Neither Mokuba nor Noa wanted to watch the two lovers going at it, but at the same time, they just couldn't tear their eyes away for several long, agonizing seconds, nor could they think of anything to say.

The mysterious crackling sound finally shook Noa out of his stupor, and he looked away from the shocking scene on the floor and noticed that a pot of something on the stove was definitely burning, sending up a steady plume of acrid smoke. What in the world? Can't they smell that? Then again, he had completely forgotten about the reason why they had gone down to the kitchen in the first place as soon as he realized what exactly was transpiring on the floor.

Suddenly, there was an extra loud pop from the pan and something shot out and hit the underside of a cabinet. Both Mokuba and Noa started at the sudden sound, then Noa happened to look up at the ceiling. "There's egg on the ceiling!" he blurted out, bursting into laughter.

Seto's head suddenly jerked up and whipped around. "Oh holy shit!" He scrambled for a towel, his boxers, anything to cover up. "Get OUT!!!" Seto ended up pulling out hastily and yanking Yami's discarded apron over his rear, then began looking around frantically for his clothes, forgetting that they were up on the barstool.

What? Yami grumbled a little as he tried to process what was going on. He lowered his legs and released Seto from his tight hold, propping himself up on his elbows instead, looking past Seto to the two younger teens in the doorway. "Wha…?" He could feel his face heating up as he instinctively scrambled to hide his sweaty, nude body behind Seto's.

Fragments of something yellow suddenly rained down a few feet behind the mortified brunette. Frowning, Yami looked up to see egg yolk splattered all over the ceiling by the range. How in the… Then he noticed the smoke and even more egg bits everywhere… burnt shells on the countertop, yolk and whites sticking to the cabinets and the wall. And there were bits of egg on the floor and even a fragment of shell in Seto's hair. Yami gasped in horror as he suddenly recalled that he had put the pot of hard-boiled eggs back on the burner after Seto walked in, but had never turned the heat off. "Oh no! Not the eggs!"

"Eggs?" What the hell is he talking about? Can't a man just get some sex?! "Yami, what on God's green Earth are you…" Yami pointed up at a spot behind Seto's head. "What. The. Fuck?" What is that on the ceiling? And is something burning? Shit, I just want to come, is that really too much to ask?!

"I didn't know eggs could do that!" Mokuba was crying out between peals of laughter.

Seto glared in the direction of the doorway. "I thought I told you two to GET OUT!"

Noa stuck his tongue out at his older brother, earning him a snarl. "Fine. You do realize that we'll need therapy after this, right? Come on, Otouto," Noa said, grabbing Mokuba's arm and dragging the laughing black-haired teen away from the kitchen and Seto's wrath.

The young billionaire sighed in frustration, then looked down at Yami, who was still sitting naked on the floor, his skin completely flushed in embarrassment. Hmm, the rational thing to do is get up, get dressed, clean up the mess, and ground Noa and Mokuba for the rest of their lives. Aw… screw that. Seto pushed Yami back down on the floor and hooked his arms under his boyfriend's knees. Yami made a soft sound of surprise, but gave in without any further persuasion. Fuck dinner. Fuck cleaning. The only thing I want to fuck is Yami, and I'm going to go back to doing that right now.

Noa and Mokuba both rushed away from the kitchen as Seto and Yami loudly resumed their activities as if they hadn’t been interrupted at all.

* * *

~ OWARI ~

• "Tamago wa Dame!" translates to "Not the Eggs!" It's from the closing song of the anime Dragon Half. And now you know, and knowing is half the battle.
• This story is based off an incident where I had to scrape exploded egg off my own ceiling, stove, microwave, countertop, etc. You can't imagine how fun it was :p Except my distraction was writing fanfiction… I got so engrossed in writing I forgot that I was cooking.

September 17, 2005