Title: Games That People Play - Ch. 4: Fun and Games
Author: bnomiko
Rating: PG-13
Pairing(s): Seto + Yami, Yugi + Anzu, Mai + Jou, Malik + Bakura
Spoilers: none... post-Orichalcos Doom arc
Warnings: swearing... LOTS of swearing this chapter
Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh! is the creation of Kazuki Takahashi. This is a not-for-profit fanwork and I do not own any of these characters.
Summary: Direct sequel to "The Boys of Summer." Now that dinner is done, it's time for Seto to show how truly bad his temper can be.
Status: 4 / 5
Archived at: http://www.phenixsol.com/Miko/FF/

This is a SHONEN-AI fic (male + male romantic relationship). If you are offended by homosexual relationships, please do not read this. Flames will be disregarded.

• See Chapter 1

* * *

Games that People Play

Ch. 4: Fun and Games

* * *

Back in the limo they went. Seto refused to tell anyone, even Yami, where they were headed. The entire thing became one big guessing game.

"The mall? The beach?" Anzu tapped her forefinger on her chin as she tried to think of where else they could possibly be going. "KaibaLand?"

"I don't think we're dressed for the beach or roller coasters, hon," Mai commented. "How about dancing?" Seto gave a minute shudder at that, thinking of a drunken Amelda and Pegasus making passes at him. But he after a moment, he remembered to shake his head at Mai, who just frowned. "Rats."

Jou looked relieved. "That's good, cause I can't dance anyways!"

"Are we going to try and take over the world or something?" Malik asked jokingly. Several people looked at him in alarm. "Geez, I'm just kidding. Bowling? Ice skating?"

Bakura, who had been looking out the window, suddenly sucked in a breath. "I know where we're going. Putt Putt mini golf."

Yugi blinked and tugged at his gaudy tie. "Miniature golf? Are you sure?"

Malik turned his head to look out the window as well, staring at a garish turquoise and yellow sign off the side of the road. "Yeah, I'd say Ryou got it right, since we're pulling into the parking lot."

Yami began laughing, nudging his boyfriend. Mini golf? How did you end up picking that? You never come with Mokuba, Noa and me when we play, Baby.

Seto shrugged. I didn't know they played mini golf in ancient Egypt.

Yami smiled broadly and winked. Of course we did. Lots of sand traps though.

* * *

Once everyone got set up with balls and clubs, they began discussing how to set up the game. Eventually, the group came to an agreement... they would play the most difficult course due to Seto's insistence, there would be four teams with each couple as a team, and scores from both players would be combined on each hole to determine who the winners would be.

"So what's the prize for winning?" Jou asked, nibbling on a churro from the concession stand. Apparently eating dinner had no effect on his ability to put away copious amounts of junk food. "Or is it just braggin' rights?"

Seto thought about it for a moment. "Hmm. How about this: winning team, which incidentally will be Yami and me, gets to chose where we finish up the evening."

Love hotel, thought Jou. Nasty. "How ya so sure you're gonna win?" No way in HELL am I gonna let that crazy bastard win this.

"That's easy. He's not. Ryou and I are going to win," Malik said confidently, already thinking about where his boyfriend would want to go.

"Hey, don't count Anzu and me out either," Yugi piped up. "We're not too shabby at this."

"Yugi, I don't think I can't play in heels," Anzu whispered, putting her hand on his arm.

"Oh, that's okay! As long as we all have fun. That's what's important, right guys?"

Seto stared at the violet-eyed teen in disbelief. No, what's important is winning. I don't care if Anzu can't play in heels. That's her own fault.

Yami sighed. Oh, Seto...

Don't worry, we'll win this easy, the brunette boasted, his competitive nature sparked and now roaring like a wildfire. This game's all about angles, trajectory and momentum. In that regard, you should be thankful to have me as your partner.

Seto. Yami turned to focus his complete attention on his lover. I'm thankful to have you as my partner because I'm thankful to have you as my partner... in everything, okay?

Seto felt his face heat up a little, though it wasn't an unfamiliar sensation by now. Yeah, well... whatever. You should be even more thankful now cause you and I are going to win this. Seto swung the golf club up on his shoulder. "Okay losers, time to get schooled."

* * *

Bakura had been designated scorekeeper, so by the fourth hole Malik was starting to check the scores to figure out who their toughest opponents would be. After three holes, Yami led the pack with a score of 4 thanks to a pair of successive pars and a birdie. Bakura and Mai were at par with 5. Yugi and Jou scored a 6, and Anzu and Malik followed with a 7. Seto trailed all of them with a score of 8.

Yami was up first, placing his red ball on a worn-down tee hole on the rubber mat at the start of the fourth hole. With a casual swing, the ball was sent rolling gently down a short slope, bumped off a curb, and came to a stop. Whistling to himself, Yami took a few steps over as Seto set up for his turn. With a slight scowl, the young billionaire put his pale blue ball down, swung, and snarled in frustration as the ball bounced off the side curb, ricocheted off the far curb, and ended up off the green completely, rolling to a stop next to Anzu's feet.

"This course is seriously screwed up," Seto complained to anyone who would listen. "I had the angle calculated perfectly on that, but since the Astroturf is lumpy and uneven, it redirected my ball."

"You're hitting it too hard, Kaiba," Anzu mentioned, but after receiving a glare for her efforts, she went silent.

Malik sneered at Seto's back. Mental note to self: Kaiba's a whiner. And he sucks at mini golf. "Despite the fact that Kaiba blows at this, it still looks like our toughest competition will be the Pharaoh and his loverboy," he murmured at Bakura.

The white-haired teen looked down at the score sheet. "Well, Yami's individual score might be tough to beat, but as a team Jou and Mai are doing very well. And Mai looks like she really wants to win."

Malik pouted a little. "*I* really want to win."

Bakura gave his boyfriend a small smile. "I'll do my best."

"You better... aw, I'm just kidding, Ryou. I know you will."

Mai's voice suddenly interrupted their private conversation. "Okay, you guys are up."

With Malik cheering encouragement, Bakura put down a white ball and teed off.

* * *

After six holes, Jou and Mai were tied with Malik and Bakura at 25 points a piece. Yami and Seto as a team were at 27, and Yugi and Anzu lagged behind with 33. Yami was well under par with an individual score of 9, and Seto was barely beating out Anzu, 18 to 19.

"So I guess Yugi and Anzu are pretty much out of the game, huh?" Malik commented as soon as his boyfriend had finished calculating the scores. They were at the seventh hole, which looked fairly tough... the hole sat on a raised mound with a water hazard right behind the mound.

"Well, we still have 12 holes left. There's plenty of time for them to catch up."

A light, flirty giggle floated into the air. Malik rolled his eyes. "Not if Anzu keeps acting like that. But I guess she's just here to 'have fun.'" He made quote marks in the air.

"We're all here to have fun," Bakura gently reminded Malik, running his fingers up his boyfriend's arm, eventually resting it on Malik's shoulder.

"Oh yeah? Tell that to Kaiba."

Both pale-haired teens turned to watch Seto going off on his latest rant. His ball had flown over the mound and landed in the shallow water trap. The brunette CEO was grumbling loudly as he went to retrieve the errant ball.

Bakura sighed and shook his head. "Kaiba would do a lot better if he'd stop swinging so hard... but maybe that's how he likes to play. Or maybe no one told him that this isn't baseball. On the other hand, Mai's doing as well as I am, and she's in three-inch heels."

"Hmm... that means we need to distract her or Jounouchi." Mai would be tough to distract though... she's in the zone. But I think I know which button I can push on Jou...

Bakura's brown eyes widened slightly. "Um... you're not going to do anything bad, are you?"

"Of course not," Malik said innocently. "Just watch. Hey, Jou. Come here a second."

The brown-eyed blonde cocked his head and walked over. "What's up?"

"Bet you're enjoying this mini golf stuff, huh?"

Jou shrugged. "Sure, it's fun."

A sly look crossed Malik's face. "But I mean, every time Mai goes to hit the ball... I bet you get a great view of her... assets."

"Assets?" Jou turned and watched Mai tee off, her silk swathed hips swaying. "Yeah... assets. Wait a sec... why you checkin' out my date? I thought you were gay?"

"I am," Malik assured him. "Doesn't mean I'm blind. I don't have to be into chicks to know that Mai's hot. And the way her breasts practically pop out of her dress when she bends over... mm hmm. Better keep an eye on other guys around here though... I thought I saw a few of them earlier ogling your girl."

"Wha...?" Jou instantly went on the alert, glancing around for any suspicious looking characters.

"Hey Pup, it's your turn," Mai called out. "Pup?"

"Uh... yeah, okay," Jou responded, doing a double take to make sure that his date's chest hadn't popped right out of her dress. But before he walked off, he quickly whispered, "Thanks, buddy!" to Malik.

"And that's how it's done," the Egyptian said smoothly.

Bakura just gawked at him. "That was awful! And underhanded! And... well, I think it'll work. Good job." He gave his boyfriend a quick peck on the cheek.

"Heh. Thanks."

* * *

By the tenth hole, Seto's temper was flaring up quite badly. It didn't help when he had spared a moment to look over Bakura's shoulder and saw that his score was double that of Yami's, and that he was now tied for dead last with Anzu.

"Goddamn motherfucking piece of shit!" Seto screamed loudly as he tried unsuccessfully to get the ball to roll down a series of small slopes for the sixth time. Malik chuckled at the mortified expressions of the families that were within earshot of Seto's voice. Unfortunately for them, the young billionaire's voice carried quite well.

"Kai-baby, you only get six tries per hole," Yami tried explaining to his lover, who was teeing off yet again.

"I just want to get this fucking uncooperative ball into the stupid hole, okay?" Seto swung his club again, sending the ball flying down the slope far too quickly. Of course, it ended up in the water again. "Shit! And no, I'm not leaving till I get this right."

Fuck off. He whacked the ball again, this time sending it right over the curb and into the grass... again. "Fuck!!"

While waiting for Seto to finish up his turn, the group overhead a little girl on the hole behind them loudly asking her mother, "Mama, what does 'Goddamn motherfucking piece of shit' mean?"

"What?" the horrified woman screeched, looking over at a fuming Seto and narrowing her eyes. Then she began storming towards the tenth hole. "You... you there! There are children present. Watch your language, young man!"

Seto didn't even look at her, he was so engrossed in what he was doing. "Look, bi..."

"SETO," Yami said in warning. "I'm sorry. We'll try to keep our voices down," the ex-spirit said in apology. Though he really didn't mean it; if he had, he'd be trying to temper Seto's anger. But Seto was just too funny when he got this mad over something so trivial. Let him blow off a little steam...

"SHIT!!"

* * *

Even after the extremely difficult twelfth hole, Malik was thinking mini golf was the best game ever. Who knew that a few scuffs and imperfections in the ground could cause Seto Kaiba to become this unhinged?

"Holy flying fuck!" It sounded like Seto was still having a grand old time. Malik looked up to see the tall brunette trying to hit his ball out of a water trap with his club. All he managed to accomplish was splashing stale water onto his shoes and trousers.

"Kaiba, you can't just hit it out of the water. If it falls in, the rules say you have to go back to the beginning of the hole," Yugi pointed out.

Seto glared at the shorter spiky-haired teen. "Yugi, butt out. What the hell does it matter to you? If I say I can hit it out of the fucking water, then I can hit it out of the fucking water."

"Coz I'm Seto Kaiba and the rules can just bite me," Jou mocked, though not loudly enough for Seto to hear. But Yami, Mai, Bakura and Malik heard it, and they all just chuckled softly at the truth of the statement.

"But Kaiba... you're just making a mess of your nice suit," Anzu said, sounding a bit flustered.

"I don't give a rat's ass." He flung his club into the grass and grabbed the ball out of the water with his bare hands, dropping it right over the hole. And as if to spite him, the ball hit the plastic bottom of the hole and bounced back out. Malik burst into raucous laughter, which earned him a wet, dirty golf ball to the head.

"Mommy, Daddy... why is that tall man over there throwing a ball at the other man?" another child asked. The boy pointed right at Seto. His embarrassed parents hustled him away from a glowering, frustrated Seto while everyone laughed over the comment.

"Because Son, the tall man is crazy," Malik automatically answered in a fatherly tone even as he rubbed at his sore forehead, but as soon as the words were out of his mouth, he began backing away because Seto was quickly approaching him with a look of murder in his eyes. Not wanting to earn another ball to the head, or worse, a club, the Egyptian hid behind his boyfriend, using Bakura as a shield.

"Malik? Eep!!" Bakura tried to duck out of the way as Seto began chasing Malik in circles around him. "Yami, help!"

"Sorry, he deserves it." Yami shrugged, his crimson eyes flashing in merriment.

With a sigh, Bakura finally decided to interfere on Malik's behalf. Stepping between the billionaire and the tombkeeper, he gave Seto his best innocent look while saying, "Malik didn't mean it; he was just joking around. Right, Malik?"

"Yeah. It was a joke." Get a sense of humor, Kaiba.

"So can we please get back to playing golf? Please?" Bakura widened his eyes until he looked positively angelic, then clasped his hands together for good measure. Seto crossed his arms across his chest and huffed in displeasure, but he backed off, turned around and went to fetch his abandoned equipment instead of throttling Malik. As soon as he was gone, Bakura said softly, "Well... that worked better than I thought."

Malik grudgingly stepped out from behind his amused boyfriend. "What, the sweet little angel act? I told you... no one could resist that look of yours. Good job, Ryou."

Bakura's eyes crinkled in delight. "I know."

* * *

"No way. No way in hell." Jou was eyeing the intimidating eighteenth hole, which was a short green with an inclined ramp for ball launching. The hole itself was on a moving platform in the middle of a large water hazard. "Okay, who picked this course?"

Everyone else pointed at Seto, who was just walking up to the final hole with Yami practically pushing him from behind. "What are you all looking at?!" he demanded.

"Shoulda known," Jou groaned, then he frowned at a group of young men who were checking Mai out as they walked by. He took a step closer to his date, blocking her from their view. Mai smirked but didn't say a thing.

"So what's the score at, Bakura?" Yami asked, even as Seto was starting to set up for his shot. Technically Yami should have teed off first, but no one was going to say anything to Seto about it.

The white-haired teen checked his sheet. "Mai and Jou are at 89, Malik and I are only one point behind. Then you and Kaiba, Yugi and Anzu are tied at 101. So if I calculated this correctly... the best you can do is finish a joint third with Yugi and Anzu."

"I refuse to finish third," Seto declared as if he could will the scores to change with his words alone. Then before Yami had a chance to warn him, he smacked the ball hard, sending it right over the hole, over the water trap, and into a pile of decorative gravel. "Goddamn stupid sonuvabitch! What the fuck is up with this shit? I am never playing this hack sport again!" Without finishing the hole, he began storming off until he realized that Yami wasn't going to follow, then reluctantly slunk back to watch as his boyfriend completed the hole in only two strokes.

With a slight smile and a shrug, Yami wordlessly accompanied Seto back to the counter to turn in their clubs and balls. It was probably safer for everyone if the short-tempered CEO wasn't wielding a three-foot metal rod or carrying a rock hard ball which he had a propensity for throwing.

Seto leaned against the side of the cashier's booth and scowled as Yugi and Anzu celebrated back at the last hole... apparently both of them had managed to make the shot despite the water hazard. What the hell are they so happy about? It's not like they had a chance of winning even after making those shots.

Yami reached out for his lover's hand, running his thumb gently over Seto's knuckles. Kai-baby, they're just having fun. And Anzu has been having a hard time playing in heels, so I'm sure she's thrilled to have made that last shot.

Seto tried to think of a scathing comeback, but as Yami began rubbing at the base of his neck with his other hand, he felt his irritation diminishing. Hn.

Yami quirked an eyebrow. Along with the water maze you wanted to have put in?

The crimson-eyed teen smiled and leaned slightly against the older duelist. If you seriously want to learn to play, you should come with your brothers and me sometimes...

Baby, you just... you're too aggressive. And this isn't a purely scientific game... that's why the imperfections in the course make things more interesting. Yami just shook his head, then went back to the counter to borrow a club for a minute. Here, I'll give you a quick, impromptu lesson on how to putt. Remember, this is just miniature golf... you're not trying to send the ball into orbit alongside your KaibaCorp satellites.

Seto just grumbled as he grabbed tightly onto the grip. Yami stepped behind him and wrapped his arms around his lover, resting both his hands on top of Seto's larger ones. Relax your hands... don't strangle the club.

Oh please... it deserves to be strangled. But Seto gradually loosened his grip as Yami instructed.

"Oh my God, they're trying to have sex on the golf course!" Jou yelped as the rest of the group approached the counter. From the direction he was looking, all Jou could see was Yami flush up against Seto's rear, with both pairs of hands somewhere in front of Seto's waist for the purpose of getting the brunette's pants undone, he suspected.

Both Yami and Seto looked up and simultaneously fixed Jou with identical dirty looks while everyone else snickered. "Technically, they're not on the course," Mai pointed out, giggling.

"I was showing Seto how to putt," Yami explained dryly, holding up the club as proof before returning it to an amused cashier. "So what was the final score?"

Malik gave the former Pharaoh a huge grin and made a victory sign while Bakura read off the numbers. "Malik and I got 99. Mai and Jou got 101, Yugi and Anzu 108, and... well..."

"The two of you got 109," Malik interrupted. "Last place. Too bad you teamed up with your boyfriend, Yami... your individual score of 33 was incredible, considering par was 60. But..."

Yami could feel Seto tensing up, so he cut Malik's gloating short. "But you won, so the two of you get to pick where we're going to next. So have you picked a location?"

Malik went to say something else, then decided against it when the Sennen Eye flashed across Yami's forehead. "Um... let me confer with Ryou real quick."

Seto draped an arm around Yami's shoulders while the two pale-haired teens conversed. Malik should be grateful that you just saved him from the beating he had coming.

He should be grateful I didn't send him to the Shadows. Yami kissed the hand that was on his shoulder.

"Okay, we've decided," said Bakura, walking back to rejoin the group.

"But we're not going to tell you guys where we're going," Malik added. We'll just tell your driver, Kaiba. I'm sure you won't mind."

Can we kill him now? Yami just snorted a laugh while Seto said out loud, "Whatever."

* * *

TBC

• To illustrate the depths of my insanity, I played several rounds of virtual "mini putt" on my computer to figure out what a good score would be. And I set up an entire Excel spreadsheet to keep track of scores! This game is based off the Mini Putt 4 on miniputtgames.com, but I made up my own numbers for par on each hole since that game doesn't have them.
• Mmm, yes, Seto's got a dirty mouth. It could have been even worse, but... well, you get the picture. He was very, very pissed off. I sympathize... that's what I sound like when I play mini golf.
• I know most mini golf courses have the 18th hole as an all-or-nothing where once you make the shot, the ball goes buh-bye, but for the sake of this story, I just wanted a really difficult final hole. So I guess the balls would have to be returned after that.
• Well, I tried to get more Malik and Ryou interaction in this chapter... I think I was partially successful. Meh. Hope it was okay. While I like Ryou as the cute, innocent kid... I figured he couldn't hang around Malik for too long without developing a tiny bit of bad boy in him. But I still see him as being the sweet one in the group.

September 11, 2005