Title: Gallons of Bad Lemonade
Pairing(s): mass orgy between: Yami, Yugi, Seto, Seth, Marik, Malik, Bakura, Ryou, Otogi, Jou
Warnings: extraordinarily bad lemon, severe OOCness, swearing
Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh! is the creation of Kazuki Takahashi. K-Y is a product of Johnson & Johnson, Inc. This is a not-for-profit fanwork and I do not own any of these characters.
Summary: Sort of sequel to "Bad Lemonade." After writing the worst, most OOC Prideshipping lemon ever, I decided to follow it up with the lamest, cheesiest orgy ever. Again, only an idiot would take this seriously, so don't be an idiot.
Archived at: (against my better judgement) http://www.phenixsol.com/Miko/FF/
This is a YAOI fic (male x male sexual situations) and is not appropriate for minors. If you are underage or offended by homosexual relationships, please do not read this. Flames will be disregarded.
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Gallons of Bad Lemonade
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Swapping spit, Yami and Seto were nosily making out in the back of the limo under the collective gazes of Yugi, Seth, Marik, Malik, Bakura, Ryou, Otogi and Jou. Why they were all in a limo together and where they were headed... well, I don't give a rat's ass because just at that moment...
A truck carrying hundreds of gallons of "Everyone Looks Better When You Can't See Straight" Aphrodisiac, the world's most potent love potion, overturned on the overpass just as the limo was driving by, conveniently drenching the open moonroofs with a literal waterfall of love juice. As the dripping wet, confused and now somewhat horny passengers staggered out of the limo, another truck, this one carrying mattresses, collided into the first, sending a dozen mattress flying onto the freeway below.
"Oh look! It's like manna from heaven!" Seto cried out as a mattress landed right in front of him, missing Yugi by inches. Actually, the little guy was starting to look damn good to him right at that moment. "Hey, Yugi, you ever consider... screwing a guy?"
Yami shoved Seto out of the way. "Shut up slut! Me first! Aibou, I'm going to fuck you right here, right now."
"Yami, you don't love meeeeeee!" Seto cried, running away as his tears liberally sprinkled the asphalt.
Yugi watched as Seto ran and smacked right into Seth, then looked at Yami before grinned lecherously. "Not if I fuck you first," he said, and with that, he threw his yami down onto the mattress.
"Aibou, no! I don't want to be uke! If you try anything, it's rape!"
"Then I'll just have to rape you till you love it!"
Just then, a light rainfall began pattering down and a chemical reaction between the love potion and the water caused everyone's clothing to magically disintegrate.
"Woah, cool," said Jou, watching as naked Yugi ground himself against his naked darker half.
"Say, I never noticed how hot you were before," Ryou said, looking Jou up and down like a piece of meat. Deciding that he liked what he saw, Ryou tripped the blonde, causing him to fall onto the mattress right next to Yami, and began whipping his ass with his rosy red reproductive rod. "I'm the master and you're my dog from now on, got it!? I'm going to fuck you so hard that you'll bleed from your ears, and you're going to love it!"
"Oh yeah!" Whap! went the bald-headed giggle stick. "I mean, woof! Arf arf woof!"
"Good doggie! Wanna do it doggie style?"
Meanwhile, Seth had thrown Seto down onto a nearby mattress and began shoving his balled up fist up Seto's ass. After all, an uke could not be expected to have a good time unless he was stretched out in a careful manner by his seme.
"Oh yes, stretch me out good!" Seto screamed, drenching the mattress with a flood of pointless tears.
"Damn, you are loose," Seth commented. He was sure he could almost grab Seto's liver since he managed to bury his arm so deeply. "Is Yami that well endowed?"
"Yami? Yami's got nothing on me!" Yugi yelled. "God, Yami. Stop trying to run away while I attempt to rape you!"
On another mattress, Marik, Malik and Bakura were all playing RoShamBo to decide who would be uke. On the count of three, Malik put his hand out flat as the two yamis made fists. "Woohoo! I won!" Malik gloated, rubbing his tanned abdomen like he always did. "You know what that means?"
"No fair, you cheated!" accused Marik. "I wanted to be uke this time!"
"Nooo... I should be uke!" whined Bakura. "I'm the most obvious choice!"
"Shut up both of you! I won so it's my choice, and I want to be uke! Nothing I like more than having two, three or four cocks shoved up my ass."
Off to the side, Otogi watched all the writhing bodies and tried to decide which little grouping he should go join. Luckily he had his dice, so he figured he could just make his decision that way. But before he could even roll one die, Malik cried out, "Lube? Anyone got lube?"
Since everyone's clothing had disappeared, there were no pockets to look through, but then Otogi remembered that they had just been to the grocery store for no apparent reason. He stuck his head back into the limo and came out with a grocery bag which contained a jar of peanut butter (ultra chunky crunchy peanut butter to be exact), frozen lemonade concentrate, bottled chlorine bleach, a jar of rubber cement, and a single tube of K-Y Jelly.
"Okay, who wants the K-Y?" Otogi called out, then all ten teens burst into laughter.
"Ra, imagine using K-Y," Yami laughed even as Yugi was restraining him using an mega value roll of duct tape that fell out of an office supply truck that had hit the mattress truck on the overpass. He had Yami wrapped up in so much tape that he looked like... some sort of ancient Egyptian mummy, or something.
Ryou sighed in agreement. "Indeed. Don't people know that K-Y is intended to be a medical lubricant and isn't actually made specifically for sexual activity? So... I guess we'll take the frozen lemonade then." Again, he swung his engorged Cock-a-saurus Rex against Jou's butt, bruising it all over. The blonde barked in agreement.
"Bleach over here," Seth called out. Several heads turned in his direction. "What?"
"Uh, well... maybe you haven't noticed, but you're already fucking Seto," Ryou pointed out.
"No no, I'm not fucking him yet. That's my arm. This is my cock. See, it's bigger." Seth waved his pump-action porridge bazooka at everyone.
"Wow, that sucker's huge," said Yami lustfully as he rolled across the mattress in a pathetic attempt to escape from Yugi.
"Yeah, I answered one of those spam emails for penile enhancement. It was only a foot long and 3" in diameter before. Now it's like double that. The ad said I should be able to smash through walls and crush rocks with this baby. Now can we get some bleach already or am I just going to have to start tearing Seto in half over here?"
"Geez, chill." Otogi threw the bottle to Seth. "Guess Marik, Malik and Bakura get the peanut butter."
"We want the rubber cement," said Malik sluttily as he oozed over to Otogi, running his hands all over his bare stomach.
"Okay, then I guess *I* get the peanut butter. Yeesh." Not that Otogi had anyone to fuck, and not that he didn't love peanut butter, but now he was just tempted to suck himself off. Hmm...
Back over on the first mattress, Yugi finally got Yami immobilized. Pleased, he began shoving his heat-seeking moisture missile into the only opening he could find.
"Mmph," went the hole.
"Yami? Isn't this your ass?"
"Yes, my asshole speaks. Of course it's not!"
"Ha, now you can't rape me cause you taped over my back entrance!"
While Yugi attempted to find Yami's rear end, Ryou decided he had enough of whapping Jou with his single-bore mayonnaise pistol and after pouring slushy citrus concentrate all over his unit, he rammed it into Jou from behind, doing the nasty like two dogs in heat. The blonde howled and whined and panted like the canine Seto always accused him of being.
"Ra, that is so grating," Seth complained as he poured bleach all over his 100% all-beef thermometer, then punched into Seto's tight, tiny, puckered rear hole, pulling out and doing it over and over again.
Seto continued to cry a flood of big, shimmery tears. "Ohhh, it's so big! Even bigger than Yami's! Did I tell you about the time when..."
"Shut up! Like I want to be compared to your worthless love interest! And Ryou, shut the Mutt up already!"
"Why doesn't everyone shut up?" Otogi yelled. "I'm trying to suck myself off and you guys are ruining my concentration!" He tried hunching over a little further; he was sooo close to his goal, just a bit more... "Ow! Fuck, my back went out!"
"That's what you get for trying to blow yourself, retard," said Malik snidely. "Oh yeah, stick it to me, Bakura!"
"But I wanted to be uke..." Bakura whimpered even as he thrust his glue-slicked rocket to Uranus deep into Malik.
"Shut up and pound me already! You too, Marik. I can take it; I can take all of ya!"
Marik grumbled, lubed himself up with rubber cement, and stuffed his Louisville plugger into his hikari, sliding alongside Bakura. Good thing they were both extremely flexible and yet stiff and hard as rock, or else such a thing would be nigh impossible.
With all the moaning and groaning and Seto and Yugi crying all over the place (Seto because he was a weepy uke, and Yugi because he seriously couldn't figure out where Yami's back door was), mass orgasm was eminent. There was a veritable explosion of cum that started with Ryou and Jou and dominoed to Seth and Seto, then Malik's little threesome, and even Yugi and Yami and Otogi came for no apparent reason other than to do so.
"Wow, that was fun!" Malik declared, rubbing his tummy as if he just had the best meal ever.
"No it wasn't. I'm still stuck in this position," Otogi groused. "And I'm covered in peanut butter."
"I can take care of that!" Malik slunk over to Otogi, straightened him up, and neatly impaled himself on Otogi's legume-encrusted zipper ripper. "Oh yeah... hey, someone else get over here and fill me! I can't get enough!"
"Bark arf woof!" went Jou, and he grabbed Ryou by the hand with his teeth and ran over to join Malik and Otogi.
"Aww... the lemonade melted!" Ryou yelled when he tried to lube himself up. The cardboard container only had a bit of melted liquid left in it.
"Peanut butter?" offered Otogi.
With a nod of thanks, both Jou and Ryou smeared peanut butter all over their spelunking sausages, and stuck them up Malik's popular orifice.
"Oh, hell with it!" yelled Yugi, giving up on detangling his yami from the duct tape. "At this rate Winky the milk spitting tunnel ferret," and he patted his hard cock, "will never get any action. I'm going to go rape Malik instead."
"Have fun, Aibou! Remember, it's only rape if he doesn't want it!" Yami called out. "Hey, Seto. Get your loose, trampy ass over here and untangle me!"
Sniffing, Seto wandered over with Seth and their bottle of bleach in tow. "You love me?"
"Yeah, sure I do. You're my bitch. Who else is going to make me turkey pot pies? Now help me out here!"
"We'll help too, if you'll make me your other uke, Pharaoh," offered Bakura.
"No, I want to be uke this time!" protested Marik. "I'm uke, or I won't help!"
"No, it's my turn!"
"Why don't you both shut up and just fuck each other at the same time?" Seth suggested. Bakura and Marik both looked at him.
"The Priest has a point," said Bakura, starting to paint himself with rubber cement. "And we know that our dicks are stretchy enough that even when engorged with blood, we can somehow manage to fuck each other without rupturing anything vital, like a spleen or a kidney."
Marik accepted the very important, don't forget about it, no slick no go, lube. "True. Thank all the random gods in ancient Egypt, Greece and Rome that our ding-a-lings are made of a gummy material that can be pulled and bent into random positions for our sexual pleasure!" said Marik, and he instantly pounced onto Bakura and they began to mutually fuck one another.
"I want me some of that!" Yami announced. "Ouch, Seto, you dumb ho! The duct tape is sticking to my hair... my precious, valuable hair!" He punched his whore.
"Cripes!" Seth kicked Seto as well. "Shut up!!"
"Let's double team him," Yami suggested. "Or better yet... hey Marik, suck on this." He shoved Seto towards the two writhing yamis.
"Cool! I love being uke!" said Marik, eagerly taking Seto's everlasting gob-dropper into his mouth. Yami quickly stepped behind Seto and proudly unfurled his beloved Reaming Tower of Penis, splashing it with bleach before pumping it furiously into his bottom.
"No, I love being an uke more!" Bakura yelled. "Oh yeah, fuck me harder!"
Seth rolled his eyes. "You talk too much, Tomb Robber. I have a better use for your mouth. I'm going to fuck your oral cavity so hard that I'll be giving you a lobotomy."
"Hey, Yami! Let's make this a bukkake contest!" Yugi yelled over to Yami's group. "Hikaris versus yamis. First group to come on a chosen uke wins!"
"Make it a simultaneous group bukkake contest and we'll accept!" Yami answered. Everyone (except those whose oral passages were already occupied) laughed heartily. Simultaneous orgasm was a breeze. Why, they had a harder time trying to orgasm out of sync.
"Okay then! Our uke of choice is Malik."
"Ours is..." Yami looked down to see both Marik and Bakura trying to wave an appendage at him. "Uh... Marik, I guess."
"Yuuurrrrmph!!" Marik cheered.
"Nnnnnnnnngh!!!!!" Bakura protested.
"Well, if we want to win we better fuck harder, right team?" Ryou said. "God, Malik... can't you clench a little more?"
"I've got four anal impalers jammed up my shithole," Malik responded testily and trashily, rubbing his abs. "You should all be impressed that I can take this much, but no.... Well, what more do you want from me? Should I be able to crap flowers now? And... God, I think I can taste peanut butter in the back of my throat. Who's doing that?"
"Must be me," said Yugi. Ryou and Otogi both turned to look at him, and Jou whimpered. "What? Just because I'm short doesn't mean I'm stubby too. When I get fully aroused, Pennis the Menace expands to like ten times his normal length. And that's without drugs, thank you, yes Seth I am referring to you!"
"At least I don't have a bunch of dumb names for my ba-donk-a-donk!" Seth yelled back.
"Don't make fun of Russell the one-eyed wonder muscle," Yugi retorted. "You're just jealous cause mine's all natural, baby!" Seth glowered at him.
"Wow, it's amazing that you aren't doing serious internal damage, Yugi!" Otogi exclaimed to his teammate, pumping exactly in time with Yugi, Ryou and Jou.
"That's because I have no internal organs, ninny," Malik answered.
"Damn, I wish we had Malik as our uke," Seth complained. "Bakura has teeth. This sucks."
"Shut up, Seth... and Marik, Bakura... fuck and suck harder. I'll be damned if Yugi's little fuckfest of friendship is going to beat us," Yami ground out, slamming into Seto with such fast strokes that the friction was enough to start a small forest fire. Good thing bleach wasn't highly flammable, like... oh, gasoline or something. For his part, Seto wept helplessly in pure joy.
With much grunting and groaning, moaning and panting, and loud howls from Jou, the two teams strove to reach their goal. With at least 10 arms, 17 legs, and 122.3 fingers and toes waving madly everywhere, each group looked like a squirming mass of cream, peach and tan octopuses intent on devouring their own tentacles.
With a final mutual thrust, Yugi's team pulled out of Malik and dropped him on the ground, coating him liberally in a flood of man juice. At the same time, Yami's team whipped themselves out of whatever orifices they were buried in and unleashed themselves on Marik, painting him a pearly cream.
"Drats! No one won," said Yami, fuming.
"Well, that was fun," said Malik, trying to lick himself clean.
"Yes, quite. At least you and I got our daily dose of protein," said Marik in agreement as he also attempted to clean himself off with sweeps of his long tongue.
"Oh shut up, Marik. I wanted everyone to come on me!" Bakura groused, pouting. "I'm the ultimate uke, after all!"
"Hm... why not?" said Seth, stroking his joystick back to life. Everyone grinned as they copied him, and less than ten seconds later, Bakura dropped to his knees and was sprayed with all the jizz he could ever want.
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~ OWARI ~
Here's just a partial breakdown of everything that went wrong in this ficlet:
Additional Author's Notes:
August 3, 2005