Title: Remember to Eat Your Fruits and Veggies
Author: bnomiko
Rating: PG-13
Pairing(s): Yami + Seto
Spoilers: none... takes place post-Noa's arc
Warnings: swearing, sexual innuendo
Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh! is the creation of Kazuki Takahashi. Honey Smacks and Frosted Flakes cereals and Pop-Tarts are products of Kellogg's. Yu-Gi-Oh! cereal and Cheerios are products of General Mills. This is a not-for-profit fanwork and I do not own any of these characters.
Summary: Companion piece to "Turn" (but can easily stand alone). The Kaibas go grocery shopping and Yami and Seto get weird in the produce aisle.
Status: 1 / 1
Archived at: http://www.phenixsol.com/Miko/FF/
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Author's Notes:
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Remember to Eat Your Fruits and Veggies
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Slender fingers skimmed slowly over the bin of Gala apples. He picked one up, checked for bruising, frowned, and went to the next likely candidate. The next apple was plucked, thoughtfully rotated, and placed back down. Moving on to a third, which was approved of after careful scrutiny, the crimson-eyed teen opened a thin plastic bag and gently placed the fruit inside.
A pair of brilliant blue eyes peered over the shorter duelist's shoulder. With a slight frown mirroring his lover's, Seto Kaiba muttered, "Can you possibly shop any slower, Yami?"
Yami turned around slowly, another apple in hand, and after a moment, he smoothly turned back and continued studying fruit. Seto wanted to smack himself senseless. Now who would suspect that Domino City's youngest billionaire went grocery shopping at Domino City Foods like everyone else? The answer? Why, not me! But not only do I shop here, I have to drive here, push the goddamn cart around, pay, load up the trunk, drive back, unload the trunk...
"Bored, are we?" Yami's deep voice cut through Seto's internal monologue. He was neatly tying up the bag of apples.
The brunette's temper flared momentarily. "No Yami-kins, I love watching you pick through apples. It makes my day."
The younger teen snickered as he placed the bag in the shopping cart. "I can make your day, Kai-baby...," he began, and the taller duelist bristled.
"Don't call me that in public!" he hissed.
Yami didn't reply, wandering over a few feet to a display of bananas. He lifted a bunch in consideration, then placed them in the cart while breaking one off from the rest of the bunch. He waved the long yellow fruit in front of Seto's face. "Now... you know what this reminds me of?"
Seto's brain automatically conjured up an image of a little Yami-monkey dancing with a banana, or more precisely, a miniature version of himself in a banana suit, and he shuddered. He wasn't sure if he was more disturbed by the monkey or the banana suit, but either way, his mind had obviously gone to a very strange place. "It's a piece of fruit, Yami," he managed to grind out.
The ex-spirit smiled and he caressed the length of the banana gently. "You really mean to tell me it doesn't make you think of anything?"
Little Yami-monkey was now mooning him, taunting him with firm buttocks, before jumping on top of Seto-banana and vigorously humping it. What the fuck?!
"Let's play a game, Baby. You like games." Yami's smile was more brilliant than ever.
"Hn." Of course he liked games! "Whatever. Just buy your stupid groceries."
"Our stupid groceries."
"Shut up."
Undeterred, Yami smirked and pointed the banana at his boyfriend. "The game...," and his voice dropped to a whisper, "is to find things in the produce aisle that remind us of each other. And then you explain why you chose that particular item. Whatever we pick goes in the shopping cart, and I'll find some new recipes using these ingredients for next week." With that, he winked and placed the molested banana in the cart with the rest of the bunch.
Don't say yes, don't say yes, he told himself, but as soon as his mouth opened, the only word that came out was, "Okay..." Wha... arghhh! Damn it! I knew I should have gone with Noa and Mokuba to the cereal aisle when I had the chance! Stupid stupid stupid...
While Seto berated himself, Yami wandered off towards a display of vegetables. A moment later, he chose a nice fat cucumber and held it over his shoulder. "This, for example, makes me think of your nice, thick... Seto?" The shorter teen turned to see his boyfriend standing by the bananas still, a blank look on his face. His brow twitched. "Seto Kaiba, are you even listening?"
The brunette's head snapped up. "Shhhh!!!! Don't yell my name you idiot! Last thing I need right now is for a bunch of crazed fans to... uh... What were you saying?"
The twitching brow arched up. "I was implying that this," and the cucumber waggled, "reminds me of your... oh, nevermind. Just get over here."
Seto's brows slammed together. No one orders me around! he told himself, but his feet had already complied with Yami's request.
"Don't forget the shopping cart, Seto."
Stupid cart! Stupid groceries! Yami can take the stupid zucchini and just fu... Oh. Damn. By this point he had already stalked back, retrieved the cart, and was standing next to Yami.
"Well?"
"Well what?"
"I've already made my move... twice, actually," Yami said patiently, pointing at the cucumber and bananas in the cart. "Now it's your turn."
Seto considered the cart's contents for a moment. "You do know I hate zucchini right?"
"That's why that's a cucumber, Kai-baby." A smug grin plastered itself across Yami's face.
The young billionaire couldn't stop his eye from twitching at the nickname. "I knew that," he stated flatly. How am I supposed to know that? And who cares?
Yami just continued to grin.
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"I heard that Honey Smacks are over 50% sugar."
"Oh, even better!" Noa put down the box of Frosted Flakes he had been considering and grabbed the box of Honey Smacks instead, handing it to the black-haired teen in glee.
Mokuba rolled his eyes. He had no idea how Noa managed to burn through all that sugar without crashing. Probably because he was hopped up on it all the time. Apparently, sugar-laden cereal was still a novel concept to Noa, since Gozaburo hadn't been the type to allow processed sugars in his house.
A voice broken into Mokuba's thoughts. "Hey, Otouto, check this out!" Noa stooped to pick up a box from the bottom shelf and grinned at his find.
Mokuba resisted the urge to shield his eyes from the blindingly reflective silver packaging. "Is that Yami?" Sure enough, a caricature of the ex-spirit adorned the front of the box.
"Limited Edition Yu-Gi-Oh! cereal. Millennium medallion shaped honey sweetened corn cereal."
The younger teen scrunched up his nose. "Millennium medallion shaped nuggets? It sounds nasty."
Noa snickered. "Maybe. But we should get a box or two anyways. For Yami." Two boxes were piled on top of the Honey Smacks.
"Yeah... he can eat them." Mokuba figured he probably would. Yami had a weakness for sugary cereals that almost rivaled Noa's, but he seemed to be less picky about the type or taste. The green-haired teen grinned in agreement, then before Mokuba had a chance to say anything, he reached up and grabbed two boxes of Cheerios from the shelves, tucking them under his own arms.
Mokuba smiled. At least Seto and I have our Cheerios...
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"Here." Seto handed Yami a carrot.
"... And?" Yami pouted a little.
"It's for your little game," huffed the taller duelist.
"Kai-baby, you're supposed to tell me why you picked a carrot. And why this particular carrot," explained Yami, poking the thin, rather crooked carrot.
Seto rolled his eyes. "It's phallic-shaped. And you always want to boff like bunnies."
Both Yami's brows went up and a light blush touched his cheeks. "Um, okay... but I hope I'm better endowed that this."
"I just grabbed the carrot that was on top of the pile, Yami." But seeing the crestfallen look on his lover's face, he hastily added," Of course I should have picked something um... bigger. And straighter. Damn, that's an ugly carrot. Just pick another one."
Yami brightened up and laughed. The little carrot went back into onto the pile, and Yami chose some better examples of carrot-ness, tossing them into a bag and handing it to Seto. Then the crimson eyes really lit up.
"Now this is perfect!" he announced, hefting a particularly large daikon radish and brandishing it at his boyfriend. "You know why I chose this?"
Seto smirked. "Because it's obviously much thicker and longer than your pathetic carrot?"
"Hmph! And it's pasty white like your ass!" The daikon went in the cart, and Yami wandered away from the vegetables as something else caught his attention. Seto automatically followed and found a garlic bulb shoved towards his face. "And here's your balls, see?" Yami grasped the top of the bulb and swung the rest of it back and forth.
"If this is supposed to be my dick," and Seto picked up the daikon, "why are my balls so small?"
"You tell me. Why are they so small?"
* * *
With five boxes of cereal and a box of Pop-Tarts between them, Mokuba figured they were set for the next week or two. He and Noa wandered around the store searching for Seto and Yami, finally following the sound of Seto's voice to the produce aisle.
"Give me the fucking cantaloupe!" the young billionaire was snarling. The two brothers stared at the two teenaged lovers, who were currently playing tug-of-war with a melon. Seto already had one melon in his hand and a daikon tucked under one arm.
"What in the world are you two doing?"
"Er... we're selecting fruit?"
Yami and Noa both groaned while Mokuba just fixed his oldest brother with a knowing look. "I don't want to know. I can't take you two anywhere, I swear!" He dumped the cereal into the cart and motioned for Noa to do the same, then the two younger brothers took the cart and headed for the checkout.
Seto just stood there flabbergasted for a moment, then he finally looked over at Yami. "This is your fault!"
"Oh Seto... if you had just let me finish. This cantaloupe would've made you look lopsided." Yami put down the cantaloupe that was in dispute and selected a larger one, taking the other melon from the brunette's hands. "Much better, don't you think?"
Seto pulled the daikon out from under his arm, put it on top of the cantaloupes, and considered the arrangement. A hint of a smile touched his lips.
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~ OWARI ~
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Additional Author's Notes (regarding how this whole thing came up):
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May 7, 2005